From the day mothers have existed, there is one ideal way we could thought of mother that is all sacrifice, love and compassion which is completely selfless and compromise be it career, be it self care or any other need of self.
Which probably has created lot of disturbances and has led to lot of stress in women in nowadays.
Not every mother want to be the good enough mother or have willingness to invest that much of energy but are bound with the ideals of good enough mother as shared by Winnicott. The complete surrender to another life is a higher level challenge and for which no pre-levels are mentioned anywhere.
The good enough mother.. start off with an almost complete adaption to her infant’s needs, and as time proceeds she adapt less and less completely, gradually, according the infant’s growing ability to deal with her failure.
Not just this image of good mother creates stress and emotional disturbance but also create mistrust in own ability of mother as a potential human, to do anything but rear a child as suggested by the ideals.
If mothers are told to do this or that or the other,… they lose touch with their own ability to act…. Only too easily they feel incompetent. If they must look up everything in a book, they are always too late even when they do the right things, because the right things have to be done immediately. It is only possible to act at exactly the right point when the action is intuitive or by instinct, as we say. The mind can be brought to bear on the problem afterwards.
We all know that every kind of job has its frustration and if see motherhood as full time job it is all the more frustrating and boring and one should always be empathetic to a woman who choose to be a mother and motherhood should a choice from the woman’s conscious.
It’s only too easy to idealise a mother’s job. We know well that every job has its frustrations and its boring routines and its times of being the last thing anyone would choose to do. Well, why shouldn’t the care of babies and children be thought of that way too?
when you choose to be mother, make sure you love yourself enough, make sure you know that you have the potential to be anything but you choose to be mother, not because it happened to you. Love yourself because your emotional wellbeing is equally important as your child’s. You need necessarily fit into the ideal mother framework but be yourself so that your child can learn how to love themselves and respect themselves.