We all struggled about what parenting is, how it is to be done and now a days when both parents are working, there are lot of new challenges have arise.
And all the psychologists and counselors have tried to explain it in some from or the other.
Being a counselor and a person with psychoanalytic background, keep exploring unconscious mind of parents with the incidents available and recently also I have come across something which gave me an insight of something I could never thought of earlier.
Parents having more than one child, this is for you and this is specifically in context of sibling rivalry, though I always struggle to put my thoughts in words but I will try my best to do so.
There are two ways of looking at this sibling rivalry, one is you like something in one of your child and you appreciate it, and definitely as an aware parent you don’t compare. You might also ask your other child to be happy about something appreciative in their sibling. But how does your appreciation of your one child makes the other child feel, did you initiated that conversation ever, or do they agree to those qualities, if not then why, what is it that is missing in your relation as a parent and their relation as siblings..
This is one area of Sibling Rivalry which is completely unexplored for now, because as parents we believe, that comparison should not be there and we should teach our children to be happy in others happiness.
The second is when as parents we believe that, this is how siblings are or this is how they can be with other, so for example you see one of your child supporting other child or if at you ask your child to support, do we know their feelings during that time. Do the other one actually felt supported, or is it just they had no other option, did any of the felt intruded by the other. Even when they are playing and one person follows the other or they co-create, there is something missing for every parent to think about. We need to know feeling of our child in most of the situations even if you are not participating, even if you want siblings to mingle up.
Talk, Talk and Talk. If you trust your one child more than the other, please be aware about the feelings of other children, please be considerate of what you talk to them when you trust the one. May be you know about something very deep very late and till that time the Damage is done, the personality has developed, the broken one, the one who is hurt.
One of your child may never be happy with the success of other, but they pretend to because that’s what society accept them to do. But if you talk and consider their feelings, they might develop those genuine feelings of happiness.
As parents we never treat our kids differently, but unconsciously we miss out lot of things.